Where did this idea originate? Why have we as women become obssessed with the idea of having perfect families? When did having a clean house become more important than sharing a popsicle with your child?
There really is no specific reasoning behind this post except for the deadly mistake one woman made and I listened to her story on Oprah. I too get wrapped up in being the best mommy I can be, and I truly believe there is no fault in that. I do however believe there are mistakes made by parents everyday that end up deadly. There is really no one to blame, we all have our moments and our daily hectic schedules but what is more important that nurturing your relationship with your child. It was an emotional episode and I have yet to get the story out of my mind. I think I related to the woman because her child was 2, like mine, and she was an Assistant Principal, which I will be in a couple of years. I feel so much sympathy for her story, I know that is was a mistake, but it cost her the guilt for the rest of her life. I really do not want to retell the story, 1-for retelling it wrong, and 2-for not wanting to write the horrible events down on paper, or blog-site if you will. You can go read it
here.
After hearing Brenda's story is really caused me to re-evaluate my life. I am in no way a 'perfect mom', but really who is? And what makes a mother a 'perfect mom' in your eyes? I do however, try to be "PRESENT" daily in my daughters life. I talk to her when she babbles, I pick her up and kiss all over her face, blow on her belly, and go outside and get dirty at least every other day. I try to be an ACTIVE PARTICIPANT in her daily life. I used to work at a daycare and being a teenager , you know when you used to you think you had it all figured out? I used to see those sweet little darlings that would get dropped off at 6:30 and would be the last ones picked up at 6:30 and I would think...I could never do that to my child. It wasn't until I became a mother and had to take Hayden to school that I realized, it wasn't a choice for those mommies, it was a fact of life. I drop Hayden off at school by 7:10-7:15 3 days a week, and I pick her up at 3:40. I feel absolutely terrible if she has to stay any longer than that. Plus it is an actually school that the kids have to be picked up by 3:45, if you can't be there by that time you have to pay for 'after school care'. I bust my bottom to make it there by that time. I worked out a deal with my principal that I will make up my time on Mondays and Fridays to exchange for leaving work 10 mins early on Tue, Wed, Thur to get to Hayden's school on time.
But what about those mommies that do not have a principal that will work with them? Or what about those mommies you HAVE to stay and work to make the hourly wages that pay for food or clothes for their children? I am so sorry now that I ever judged them. They were doing what they had to do to survive. There is still not a day that passes, when I get into my vehicle to go pick up my child from school or to rush home to see her that I do not get ansy in traffic anticipation to get there. I can't wait to see her everyday. Now, please do not misunderstand it is almost a definite that when Hayden get into the car that she will start telling me "Baw-nee momma, baw-nee" and I will turn the DVD player on for her to watch on the way home. I also swore growing up that I would never let the TV be a babysitter for my child, and you know, IT's NOT. Like I said I am an ACTIVE PLAYER in her life. When I turn on Baw-nee I sing the songs with her, and I ask her about Babybops boo boo, what ever I can do to show her that her words mean something to me and that what she sees, feels, and says has validation in my eyes. I want her to know that she is important to me.
I am in no way judging that poor mother that made that deadly mistake that day. I am however trying to open eyes, and trying to get all parents, grandparents, aunts uncles, child care givers, a clue to be PRESENT in the life of a child.
I read this book a couple of years ago for work called, FISH. I highly recommend this book. It is centered around a fish market in Seattle, and it tells ways to be Present at works, but I think we can all relate on how to be Present in LIFE. I hate to sound cliche, but SOME of the main points in this book were:
*BE PRESENT
No more "good mornings" with your face down.
Try a "good morning Tom, how is Lacy? Is she liking soccer"
*MAKE SOME ONES DAY
Which most people do not realize how EASY this is!
*PLAY
*CHOOSE YOUR ATTITUDE
There are days when I am so tired and all I want to do is get home from work, lay on the couch and watch TV, but my husband works nights, and everything at night depends on me. I can't just sit around and watch my daughters precious life pass me by, NO! I will be the most perfect mom I know how to be, I WILL BE PRESENT!
Just because your child paints at school, or colors, or plays in shaving cream, doesn't mean you can't do those things at home with them too. They might even learn more doing it with you. Here is an activity that I am going to steal and do with my classroom at work, and all of you out there will older kiddos, I think you should do this with your child. Get creative, "MAKE THEIR DAY!"
Go
here, it's my cousin Mandi's blog. She is a stay at home with 3 kids! and you know what...SHE IS PRESENT! She did this project with her oldest. I love it! I will definitely be using her idea!
